Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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