Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
