new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
