I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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