so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
