I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
