Rock
Scissors
Fuck
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
