My boss' voice literally gives me gas
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
too bad burritos don't cuddle back