remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason