Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.