I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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