I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
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Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
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I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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