his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
