anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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