don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
bring money and cleavage
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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