Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
