ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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