You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
