omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
