You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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