my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
false alarm, still single
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