i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
So much rum. So many feels.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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