im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
