Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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