What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
