I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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