I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
