so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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