and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize