is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
