I want to stick my p in your. b.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
