we made out on top of his cat.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
