you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
is it fun? or sober?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
