Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
