I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
