He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
