I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
