i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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