well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
