Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
