..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
