I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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