My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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