I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
