I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
