I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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