Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
