I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
