I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
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