No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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