I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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