he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Welp...herpes.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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