we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Randomize
