my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
