i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I smell like Dick and happiness
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