omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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