There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Are we still banned from the library?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
