Im at strip club and am horny
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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