I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I miss vodka workout Fridays
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I am one with the molecules
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
