she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
