Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
