remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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