Me. At least after what I've been through.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
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