In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I don't deserve a penis
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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