can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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