I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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