he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
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