Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
