shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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