I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
