he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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