he wants to bone in the snuggie
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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