$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
