woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Randomize
