6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
