I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
that may or may not have been my penis.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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