I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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